Dear Abby, am I a zombie? English

I was always a nightowl, even from my early years. Staying up late always felt natural, never had to fight my mind or body on it – it just worked. At the same time I was never a morning person, at all. Or rather, I was never a get-up-and-not-feel-like-a-zombie-person. Didn’t really matter how much I sleep or what time I get up, I always feel like one of the living dead for at least an hour.Having a two-legged alarm clock helps a bit in getting me out of bed but waking up is still a hassle. For some reason, my body has decided that getting up should be hell for me and I have yet to find a way to battle this invisible ghost.

Maybe I should just get myself one of those alarms that Donald Duck has in that caravan-clip they show here in Sweden on Christmas eve, or one of those clocks that demand that you solve a simple equation or find the little helicopter it launches before you can turn them off… although I suspect both of those purchases would end in either me dead from blunt force trauma to the head (i.e: an alarm clock + wife = death) or the alarm clocks simply demolished from the intense power generated by my sleep-induced frustration.

Maybe I should bitch and moan so much about it… I mean, I do go to sleep around 2-3 every night, and get up around 7 and I’m still alive. Maybe that’s my gift: I’m not a morning person, I’m a don’t let lack of sleep kill me-person? I do get by on fairly little sleep. If I get my 4-6 hours, I function like… well, not like a normal human being, but normal for me. Now that I think of it, when I sleep more than 9 hours, I start working badly. I get sluggish, mind won’t really keep up, shit like that. So, now what I’d like to know is: Can we get in contact with the fucker who did my wiring, ’cause I’ve got some minor issues I’d like to discuss with him… and it must be a he, no woman would ever do a job this badly.

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