I’m a nerd, English
Hi, my name is Joakim, and.. and… I’m… a nerd. I almost expected a chorus of greetings along the lines of the best AA-meeting, but alas, my apartment is silent. Many times during my life I’ve been faced with people from different types of … I hesitate in using the world “subcultures”, as the word in and of itself sort of seems to suggest it being subordinate to actual culture and I simply don’t subscribe to that at all, but I suppose it’ll have to do for now. I’ve never felt at home in any particular group of people; I’ve always been apart of many different subcultures, but not enough to fully identify with any one of them. Always standing a few steps to the side, metaphorically. It’s not easy to see, but I started out in a very punk-sort of state of mind. My political views flowing freely with time, from a rather anarchistic approach to a leftist libertarian, passing through many of the stages in between, and musically I sort of started out in the punk-scene, for just that reason. But I never really felt comfortable in the dress-code or the rather shabby and shoddy sort of parties that the local punks seemed to enjoy. At the same time my musical tastes expanded, and I started enjoying metal, techno, country and many other genres… but I never really assumed any of those personas that people relate to them either. While I can namedrop obscure bands with the best of them, I never really felt the need to dress in a leather coat and have long hair anymore than I felt I needed a mohawk. My interests have also ranged (and still do) from reading and writing, to photography and sketching, but I never identified with the art students or the journalists either. I’m also as previously stated, a huge nerd. This is possibly the only subculture that you could identify me with just by visuals alone. Not due to me feeling more kinship with them than with the punks or metalheads or anyone else; but simply due to that the clothes were comfortable, cheap and easy to find in black.
As the years progress and I … well, mature (yeah yeah, laugh all you want) I find myself disconnecting even more with all different groups of people and sorting myself into my own little category. It’s a very select group, consisting mostly of myself. And I AM indeed a nerd. In my little genre, I subscribe to anything that appeals to me, giving no regard to any type of cultural attachments. In some cases, this earns me points with people and in some cases it’s a very big handicap. People don’t seem to be able to put a finger on “who I am”, and that makes them uncomfortable and sometimes a little bit scared. Not caring overly much what people in general think of me tends to give me more than a few sour looks at times, but at the same time it seems to endear me to my friends even more. And while people in general aren’t high on my “shit-I-care-about”-list, my friends are. What my friends think and feel I care about a lot. Maybe too much… but that is a small price to pay for the luxury of getting to say what I feel. Most of the time.
This entry was posted on April 19, 2011 at 23:38 and is filed under Music / Musik, Musings / Luddiga tankegångar, Politics / Politik with tags anarchism, genres, left wing, libertarian, metal, music, nerd, politics, punk, subcultures. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.